Wednesday, February 15, 2017

An award for what???

NOTE: I accidentally opened by old tumblr account and I saw that I have 2 drafts. The first one was a book review and the second was about an unusual dream I had that I totally forgot about. I decided to share it here:

I was attending an awarding ceremony (it looked a lot like my clinical graduation) and I, myself, was one of the awardees. The facilitator asked us to form a line so that we can go up the stage properly and orderly. I was so excited to receive my award! I waited for my turn and when the emcee called my name, I walked up the stage gracefully (despite the fact that my feet hurt because of the high-heeled shoes I am wearing) and proudly with my head held up high, completely aware of my proud family watching me go up the stage. I was like, “This is it! This is the moment I’ve been waiting for!” As I finally reached the center of the stage, I realized that the person giving the awards was a student - a student younger than me. Her face wasn’t familiar but she was wearing our college’s uniform. Flashing my biggest smile, I met her at the center of the stage. She gave me my award. A certificate. I haven’t read about the citation but what caught my attention was the Tagalog words written along the edges of the certificate. Words like “mayabang”, “hindi makatao”, and “mayaman kasi” were written there, screaming to my face. I was shocked! WTF! Was this really my award? So, in a trying-to-be-calm voice, I asked the student,

“Sino gumawa nito?”

“Yung mga classmates ko. Batch 2013.” she answered.

“Lahat ba kami may ganito sa certificate o ako lang?” I asked.

“Lahat kayo meron.” she said. But at the back of my mind, I don’t believe her. Yeah of course, lahat kami may ganito pero yung akin lang ang puro negative. And to think the ones who wrote these things were from Batch 2013. They don’t even know me so how can they possibly say those things?

In my disappointment, I walked down the stage without bothering to shake hands with the student who gave the certificate. I immediately folded the certificate and put it inside the brown envelope (I don’t know where the envelope came from). I returned to my seat and there I wondered,

“How can I show this award to my parents?”

And then I woke up.

Waking up from that nightmare was a relief for me. Honestly, this kind of dreams are the ones that scare me the most.  It seems real! Pati yung feeling na na-feel ko during the awarding ceremony, parang totoong-totoo. Pagkagising ko, ilang oras din muna akong tumulala sa higaan ko kasi parang may hang-over pa ko from that dream. Ano ba yun? Para saan ba yun? I don’t remember thinking deep thoughts before going to sleep pero bakit parang cryptic masyado yung panaginip ko. So, while I was lying there in my bed, I decided to reflect upon that dream.

I always believe that God speaks to me through my dreams. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to be a modern Joseph the Dreamer who dreams events that will 100% happen in real life. I don’t believe that dreams are omens or premonitions of what will happen in the future. For me, dreams are like movies that can entertain me. They can make me feel happy, sad or afraid when I wake up. And just like the movies, dreams can also teach me lessons. We all know that it’s impossible for us to experience all the adventures and misadventures life has to offer but through dreaming we can experience it.

Alam kong may mas malalim na kahulugan ang panaginip ko at alam kong ito ay tungkol sa buhay na meron ako ngayon….

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